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[August 17, 2020] |
credit to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) blackxlullaby
my name is kaitlyn
and this journal contains all of me
it may be locked but
i always love new friends
leave me a comment, let me know how you found me or if we have anything in common
and 98.27% of the time i'll add you right back=)
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[November 20, 2009] |
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i'm okay with the fact that at three twenty three in the morning my computer has paint stains from my hands on it. i'm really okay with it.
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| cheerios and cold coffee. |
[November 18, 2009] |
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i very much hope that i put all the letters in the correct envelopes. otherwise thomas may be getting paul's letter from the theatre department.
i'm not as strong as i thought i was.
in fact, i'm weak and torn down. by life.
i've fallen back to the old ways of what i believed to be control that i developed as a pre teen and that stuck with me throughout my high school days.
i've cried, felt completely lost and had a panic attack two days ago, in which i mentally couldn't move from my bed and i didn't get out till 1.
everything has felt so blurry and it's been hard to make sense of most things.
i tried talking with alex almost two weeks ago. about us. about where we go from here.
we went on a walk. we caught up on life.
but i never got a word in about my whole purpose of us getting together that night.
i ended up emailing him, telling him what i really wanted to talk about.
i haven't heard from him since.
and here's the thing, alex hurt me so much. so, so much.
i was honestly blinded by love. so blinded. i let things slide that i honestly shouldn't have. i gave him a second chance and on that day, without realizing it, i gave him all of my heart. in which he just tossed to a corner, tending to it every once and a while to make sure it was still living.
it's not that i cared too much, it was that i wasn't being cared for.
and i knew all along that i could do better. but i just didn't want to.
and now i'm talking to sir christopher. who makes me very happy. i didn't go looking for it, a simple hello was what started this all.
he lives and goes to school in chicago.
if this ends up being something, great.
if not, then such is life.
i'm starting to believe that everything happens for a reason. and alex being a jerk and him dumping me gave me grief and pain, but it's starting to bring me to a better place.
i'm working on it.
each day is a battle.
and some i lose.
but i will win the war. mark my words, i will win.
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[January 30, 2009] |
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oh hello lj friends!
i would like you to know that i am changing my username to artistabella.
so i will no longer be starcandy228!
i figure i've had this journal, and that username, since my eight grade year, which was about six years ago.
time for a new name=)
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