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[ website | it's sorta like life... ]
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things that are on my mind [30 May 2010|12:43am]
[ mood | complacent ]

  • i don't like myself. physically and mentally. i don't want to change, i just am longing to be a better me.
  • i miss my boy. sometimes, i wish the world could just be the two of us.
  • i hate that i have to live in 2002 12th street again this next year. i honestly think that my living situation this past year made me want to get away from theatre.
  • i know i can do better
  • i forgot that i had your facebook status updates sent to my phone. my heart wrenches a little bit when i see your name there. you never really cared that much, did you?
  • i love this house. the familiar smell. the familiar noises. everything.
  • i don't want to grow up. i think i have peter pan syndrome.
  • i wish i was staying in mahomet this summer instead of charleston.
  • i should have taken time to stop at that crosswalk to make sure the girl wasn't going to turn on red. then, my knee wouldn't be screwed up.
  • i need to form better habits.
  • sufjan stevens is everything i love about music.
  • i constantly wonder why i am always tired.
  • i really do believe something is wrong with me.
  • i love how much andrew really loves me. this man is so special to me. and he can almost see the real me. almost.
  • is it weird to say that i believe he is the one? i find myself having no doubts about him. i'm not settling. not like i did with alex.
  • i am constantly trying to organise my life. it never is organised.
  • i've always liked list.
  • can i really improve this summer? or will it be like every other time? 
  • i like that i have jesus. yes, jesus loves me.
1 comment|post comment

[30 May 2010|12:46am]

i think he is saving my life.
3 comments|post comment

[30 May 2010|11:54pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

if i can do one thing each week to improve my life...then maybe slowly but surely, my life will get better.

this week...get 8 hours of sleep each night. and a 20 minute nap each day.
and also, drink water when i wake up and before meals.
maybe that will curb my hunger.
plus i need to drink more water anyways.

in other news, i can almost sit cross legged again...with the exception that the bruises are so bad on the back of my knee that it would hurt to do so. but maybe my knee will be all right.
honestly, i like the attention i get from it. but it's only gratifying for a short time.

tomorrow i get to see my beloved. we are driving up to clinton to have lunch with his family. oh happy day.

i don't want to go back to charleston. i want to stay in mahomet all summer long.

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