||[11 Jun 2010|09:43am]
he looked over me and asked what was wrong.
his loving eyes full of emotion looked down on my sprawled out body on the bed.
the only sound that was heard between the both of us was the roaring of the floor fan meant to keep us cold. comfortable.
no one else could hear what i heard. my screaming mind.
all i could tell him was that i'm fine, don't worry about me.
"kaitlyn, you're not yourself. you've been sad. what's wrong?"
i hesitated. "i'm fine."
"i'm okay, don't worry about me," i said more quickly than i should, although, it was probably not as convincing as i hoped.
he looked at me ever so painfully, a one last look, and walked out.
he didn't say good night or i love you.
i couldn't muster the words to him, "i hate myself. i hate who i am. i think i might be depressed."
and as i fell asleep, tears rolled down my face and i whispered to myself, "there you go, ruining a good thing again."