||[03 Jul 2010|01:01am]
today was simply wonderful.
i've failed to actually write what's going on in life. instead, all i've written is little one-five sentence entries that somewhat thought-provoking...but not really.
kaitlyn's life thus far: (in which i'm anticipating this to be a long entry.)
and hi. this is me as of late.
- when i thought that i was going to turn myself around this past semester, i didn't, not fully anyway. i ended up doing poorly in my classes again and i have to retake a course. i can't keep doing so bad in class. it's money down the drain. money that i don't have. i thought majoring in graphic design was going to be so much better. and it is, in some ways. since i'm technically an art major, with graphic design emphasis these prereq courses for art. like, drawing, 2D design, 3D design, etc. i loved 2D design. doing art in photoshop and illustrator and working with photography were things i enjoyed learning about and doing. and i was pretty good at it. but when it came to 3D, i just didn't understand. i get so freaked out and scared about asking for help that i end up not asking and it kills me. i have to retake 3D next semester. it's with a different teacher...so hopefully that will work to my advantage.
- another thing i've been thinking about recently is if college is actually right for me. i still don't know the answer to that question. but for now, i'm sticking with it.
- i have a really awesome guy named andrew, which happens to be the name of my brother, but whatever. this boy is so amazing. all those entries about boys i've dated in the past? andrew blow them all out of the water. i could go on and on about how delightful and remarkable he is (i probably will in the future) but for now, i just love him. the best part is, that we got into an argument/fight the other night. and he didn't break up with me because it was too hard. we worked it out and talked. and we are fine now. he is much clingier than boyfriends past. it was a weird transition to go from alex, who i only saw for a day an a half last summer and a few times a week during the school year, to andrew, who i see practically every day at school and almost once a week this summer. i like it for the most part. and he understands that sometimes i need my space. which is why i like this summer.
- i really want to get into html and web design here soon. i want to use my web design and graphic design together. i would adore doing photography as well. but until i get a new camera, those dreams are still far away.
- i've changed a lot this semester. for the better. lovely miss sarah holman invited me to the wesley one night with her and i've loved it there ever since. i don't go to parties anymore or partake in any festivities that go on at said parties. i one don't have time or money for that stuff nor do i feel the need or desire to do it anymore. my roommate caitlin ended up calling me a bitch and defriended me on facebook (real mature, i know).
i hate where i'm living. my roommates smoke pot in the house, have parties constantly, don't do their dishes or clean up the main living area after themselves. and the fact that i've never disliked anyone as much as i dislike caitlin, i just need to get away from the house. but unfortunately, i am on the lease for another year and i cannot get out of it. my hopes are that i will find someone to sublease for me in the spring and i can just live on campus again for a semester. i would really be okay with that.
- speaking of the house, i'm currently staying there in charleston this summer. i'm working at panther dining and taking a drawing class. both suck. i really would rather be staying in my lovely home in mahomet with my family. i don't hate it so much, but this is probably one of the crappiest summers i've had in a while.
- some days end up being terrible for me. to the point where i just hate myself and all that good stuff. i probably need to see a counselor. my friend heath and i were talking and he said it sounded like i have depression. and i'm scared that whatever is going on with me is actually depression.
- i like making lists.
- my hair is starting to finally get long. and i like it.