kaitlyn. (artistabella) wrote,

senisble heart.

for some reason, i think that no matter how old i get, i'll always enjoy spongebob.

things that are recent:
i rearranged my room. sometimes you just need changed.

i broke up with kyle. right now being in a relationship scares the shit out of me.
steven told me that i'm a beautiful woman and i would look wonderful in a wedding dress. that also scares me.

i'm having lunch with alex on friday. i caved on saturday and texted him.

i'm sick.

my roommates are fighting. not cool

i dyed my hair purple. refer to this to take a gander.

i'm getting my nose pierced on the 28th.

i feel unclear. and i'm pretty sure that doesn't make any sense. but i'm okay with that.

other thoughts that are recent.
but have also been floating in my head for some time:

i feel like i'm forgettable.
who really remembers me? what impact have i really made? it's that silly question that i would ask myself when i was completely depressed in jr. high, "would anyone care if i died?". i'm not suffering from depression, and i know that people would care. but, how many? i think that lately i'm finding out who is really my friend and who really cares. and do i really care? i've become so passive and apathetic lately.
i also question everything i'm saying. "was that weird?" "do people think i'm weird?" "am i annoying?" "how is my body language? is it in the least awkward position?" "am i being awkward?" "is anyone really listening?" "is my laugh weird?" "what are they thinking about me?"
i've become so worried about what people are thinking about me that i've lost the art of being me.

on that note, i'm not even following my own advice. if you fake being confident, you eventually will be.
that biggest piece of advice that i tell really anyone has become lost to me. i forgot to not give a fuck. i forgot that if no one can accept me for me, then they aren't worth my time.

sometimes when i'm walking, i come up with poems in my head.
i always forget to write them down.
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